Teenagers -- they have one foot in childhood and one foot in adulthood. Poised to move forward into the future, they sometimes teeter back and forth before they take those important steps. Much like toddlers learn to walk physically, teenagers learn to walk emotionally and mentally. They try on adulthood for size. Sometimes that can be very scary.
What happens to teenagers who find their lives turned upside down by cancer? How are they affected? And why is it different than what children go through?
Children often are shielded from the harsher realities of cancer and its treatment. They may know they have a frightening disease, but they often don't have the ability to mentally conceptualize it. Their concept of disease and death depends on where they are in their development. They feel the physical symptoms and side effects deeply, but they are still young enough and vulnerable enough to reach out to the adults in their lives for comfort and support.
Teenagers often have a deeper grasp of many of life's realities, but they are trying to move away from their parents' rule. A certain amount of rebellion is healthy, as is an independent streak. The long road to adulthood is paved with firsts -- the first date, the first kiss, the first dance, the first drive, even the first heartbreak. Teenagers know the ups and downs of life. One moment they can be floating on air as they score a field goal or belt out a show tune on the high school stage for the first time, and the next, they can be crushed by a bad grade or a bad break-up. Teenagers are filled with joy or despair, passionately, deeply, and truly, even if these emotions change constantly. They are like an unsettled weather front rolling in -- you're never sure whether you'll see sun or clouds, whether there will be wind or rain. And those are teenagers without cancer.
What happens to those who face that diagnosis? How do they cope? What gets them through the process? And how do parents know what part of the emotions their teens experience is the result of the cancer and what part is just the normal result of reaching towards adulthood?
How do teenagers, who are so easily affected by their ever changing emotions, hang on to hope when they face cancer? At a time when they are spreading their wings and taking short breaks from the nest, when they are beginning to understand that the big world awaits them, cancer can stop them from flying. Fear can keep them from taking normal risks and exploring their new frontier.
It takes a lot of support for teenagers to go through cancer. Parents and other relatives can help. Having the chance to put cancer aside once in a while and just be a teenager can also help. It's not always easy to help one to go through the normal rituals of these years when he or she is battling cancer. But that doesn't mean families shouldn't try.
When there are obstacles, it's time to climb -- over, under, or around. Sometimes enabling a teenager with cancer to live as normal a teenage life as possible can be very cathartic for the whole family. Whether it's going to the prom with a favorite hat on or a colorful wig in a wild color, it's important to have the chance to attend. What happens if a teenager isn't physically able to attend a high school prom or junior high dance because the effects of treatment prevent it? Why not hold a special event when things are better? Whether it's a block party with neighbors and friends pitching in, a big summer pool party, or a special night at the local high school with students and teachers getting it organized, is there ever a bad excuse for holding a celebration? Life itself is the best reason of all to gather. Teenagers need to have the chance to enjoy as many of those important milestones as they can.
What about their parents? Imagine missing the opportunities to watch sons and daughters venture out into the world. Photo albums left empty. Videos never taken. Memories never made. It's not just teenagers who need these experiences and rituals. Parents also need to share in these moments, to recognize their children are growing up -- maybe more so than parents of healthy teenagers. Cancer is a very scary disease, and having the chance to see teenagers engaging in normal activities can help parents cope with that stress. It gives them a chance to feel like "normal" parents, even if it's just for an evening here or a day there. It's so easy for cancer to take over a family, to consume it like a fire, sucking all the oxygen out of the room. Sometimes letting go of the disease is good for the soul.
