What Does It Take to Be a Stage 4 Cancer Survivor?

There was a time when a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis meant a patient only had days, weeks, or maybe a month or two left of living. But over the last decade, with so many advances in treatments, more and more people are living with Stage 4 cancers.

But what does it take to do that?

For the patient:

1. A great medical team that keeps up with physical issues
2. Good support for daily living, medical treatments, and complications
3. Palliative care that enables the patient to be as active and comfortable as possible, by managing pain, addressing social, psychological, and physical challenges

That makes it sound easy to survive Stage 4 cancer, doesn't it? As long as you have doctors, nurses, and other professionals on board, it's a slam dunk. Only it's not.

It's also about what the patient brings to Stage 4 cancer. What are you willing to sacrifice to survive? How much work are you willing to put into your effort? And who will be at your side while you do it?

Imagine needing to have ongoing chemotherapy treatments that knock you off your feet. Not only do you have to psych yourself up to get to the cancer center for those, you also have to deal with the side effects (short and long term), the complications, and even the logistics of living with Stage 4 cancer.

Not everyone is willing, able, or capable of undergoing such a rigorous and challenging life. But for those who are, their work as survivors is nothing short of amazing. And every time someone accepts the challenge of living with Stage 4 cancer, we creep closer to the treatments that will one day eliminate the disease.

Surviving Stage 4 cancer means having a strategy, a plan. You can't just wing it. You can't just meander through your day. You have to be highly motivated to push on through the sometimes daunting challenges. Is it worth it? That's a question that only the person with the cancer can decide. If you're talking about surviving, you're really talking about living.



To live with Stage 4 cancer, you need to:

1. Engage in meaningful activities that enhance your quality of life
2. Have a sense that you are able to manage the challenges in your life to your benefit
3. Feel emotionally, mentally, and physically connected to people that matter to you
4. Have a team of people who can support your true needs and give you what you need to go on

One of the most important things I have learned from Stage 4 survivors is that what we supporters say and do matters. We need to take our cues from the people who are struggling. We can't assume to know that magic pill that will make it all better.

-- It's not our job to push treatments or give advice. That's what the medical experts are doing, and they have far more experience in the field than we do.

-- Good listening skills are important for supporters of Stage 4 cancer survivors. Recognize the need to vent when things go wrong. Understand the emotions that are strained and realize the toll of the physical, mental, and even emotional challenges of being a Stage 4 cancer survivor.

-- When in doubt, offer your love, your thoughts and prayers, your good wishes, your hugs (real or virtual).

-- Always open the door to hope. Hope for less pain. Hope for a better day. Hope for success. Hope for positive tests.

Why are these things important? When a person is facing such challenges, it's the little things that will matter most. An MRI that isn't all negative is better than an MRI that shows a massive tumor. A complication that has a potentially good outcome is better than one that is devastating and untreatable. When we supporters focus on the positives, we encourage hope in a heart that has already taken a beating. When we recognize that the complications are scary, rotten, disappointing, we share our loved one's concerns. By balancing our own reactions in an even-handed way, by understanding how very challenging it is to manage Stage 4 cancer, we become the light that shines in that dark hour.

The truth is that Stage 4 cancer survivors live with stress, fear, and worry every day in one form or another. Every new ache or pain could signal a spread of the disease. Sometimes there is a new tumor here, a new tumor there. But the treatments that are currently being used in advanced cancer management often mean Stage 4 survivors are gaining ground.

Who knows whether doctors will soon add a Stage 5 to reflect the new treatments that allow the people we love to continue living with the disease at Stage 4 for years, not months. I think that day will come.

In the meantime, if you know someone who is living with Stage 4 cancer, be sure that you fit your support to that person's real needs. When in doubt, ask what the person really wants from supporters. Is it encouragement? Is it acceptance? Is it a ride to treatment? Is it the chance to forget that cancer has wreaked havoc with one's life?

If you really love someone with Stage 4 cancer, reach out and be prepared for the realities of cancer management. It's scary at times, it's constantly challenging, and it's critical that we be there to offer meaningful support. Cancer isn't for the faint of heart. But for our heroes who insist on surviving it to the best of their ability, our job is to make the quality of that life a priority. Joy, love, laughter, acceptance, and appreciation for the good days is what gets a survivor through the bad times. Those of us who love people with Stage 4 cancer know that our lives are better, richer, and fuller because of them. They live with little miracles every day that open our eyes to what matters most. Love.