Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Being Extraordinary Is a Choice


I’ve heard so many cancer patients labeled “extraordinary”. What does that mean? That doing battle with cancer somehow instills super powers in those who survive?

Frankly, I think cancer is the catalyst, but “extraordinary” is a choice that some people make. I say that on the heels of learning that a wonderful young woman is yet again fighting the demon we identify as cancer and at the moment, it doesn’t look good.

She’s not the only one. Another very wise, very compassionate woman has spent years helping others to stay in the game, but now she awaits word of her fate. It looks like it could go either way. The uncertainty is unnerving.

Two very different women with one thing in common -- they are extraordinary. But it’s not their cancer that made them that way. It was the choices they made when push came to shove. Cancer forced them to the edge of the abyss. Most people would have looked down, but these two women chose to look up, to believe they could climb their way past the despair. They were motivated to seek answers, to reach out for the right kind of support to keep them going, to go kicking and screaming into the sunlight, leaving the dark nights of the soul behind.

These two wonderful beings wrap their arms around their loved ones every day. They know what they have -- they recognize the wind beneath their wings. But that’s not what makes them extraordinary. It’s that they still want life to be good for their social circle. They still believe in good people, good things, in a good life. That’s what they’ve chosen to see. Even as life tests them again and again, even as the sun goes behind the clouds and the rains come, they seek those sunny days and want to share them with us.

And because they do, our lives are richer for it. We feel for them. We long for a cure. We want them to be around forever. They are wise teachers. They have given us the opportunity to understand that time is finite and we should not squander it. In living their lives extraordinarily, they teach us that we are rich when we are loved and poor when we turn away from joy and laughter. Their pain is real. They cope with so many side effects and complications that knock them off their feet, but they somehow manage to get up again and fight on. They are grace under fire. They are ordinary human beings doing extraordinary things with their difficult circumstances, without magical powers or a miracle cure at hand.

Every day, some cancer patients choose to be extraordinary; it’s definitely a power they embrace by conscious effort. They turn their faces to the warmth of the sun’s light, away from the cold, bitter winds of cancer and the desolate landscape of despair. They may not make it as far as they want to go. Their families and friends may graduate without them, marry without them, even have children without them, but all that love they have invested in people over the years will live on. All of the hearts and minds of relatives, friends, and strangers they have touched will remember how they showed us that extraordinary is a state of mind that we must choose to embrace. The shadow of death cannot defeat the light that comes from living life out loud. We have only this time on earth, these few moments. Don’t waste it fretting about the unseen future. Grab the here and now and make it extraordinary.

For more help with cancer caregiving, visit The Practical Caregiver Guides

Monday, January 5, 2015

Think "Sink!" and Save a Life

Flu season....These two words can strike terror into the hearts of the sturdiest of cancer caregivers. For most people, it’s more of a nuisance than anything else. But for a loved one with a compromised immune system, it can be a matter of life or death. What can you do? Think “Sink!”

Decades ago, when my aunt was dying of cancer, we went for a visit at a time my allergies were in high gear. I spent the whole time worrying about her. What if I was wrong and I had a cold, not allergies? Did I have a temperature? Were my glands swollen? I constantly checked my symptoms in an effort to protect her delicate immune system. No one wants to be Typhoid Mary for someone so very vulnerable, so I made sure I didn’t put her at risk. I kept a physical distance, washed my hands often, and forced myself to be cognizant of the potential risks. Thankfully, we were able to have a wonderful visit, without complications or catastrophe. It was the last time I saw her and a memory that has stayed with me through the years.

As a caregiver, I went through a similar time when my mother was dying of cancer, carefully taking precautions to fend off contagions that could wreak havoc with her. I bought a lot of hand sanitizer, making sure there was always a bottle of it on the dining room table for visitors and one in the car, for those trips to the hospital or physician’s office.

I also bought a lot of hand soap and frequently reminded myself to think “Sink!” as soon as I came home. For those who don’t know, common medical wisdom actually suggests that antibacterial products are less healthy than just plain old soap and water when it comes to cleanliness. Washing your hands properly can be a Broadway moment -- most people just do a cursory job of scrubbing up. It’s recommended you sing a complete version of “Happy Birthday” in order to be properly disinfected your hands. Me? I like to get creative. At this time of the year, I might hum “Jingle Bells” all the way through. My other favorite is “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things”, from The Sound of Music: “Raindrops on roses and warm woolen mittens....”

Many cancer caregivers take great precautions to keep visitors from spreading viruses, bacterium, and germs during visits to the home, but what happens when they themselves wander out into the wilderness? Every time we head out to the store, we’re intermingling with the public. Every time we grab a shopping cart, we’re touching surfaces that other people have touched. Every time we work out on the equipment at the gym, we’re exposed (I carried my own packets of wipes and cleaned the machines before AND after I used them). For normal people, this usually isn’t that big a deal. We can fend off the occasional cold virus. But as caregivers, we’re supposed to remain healthy. How else can we care for our loved ones?

Right now, the current flu vaccine apparently isn’t working as well as hoped. The Center for Disease Control recently announced that this year’s outbreak has reached the epidemic stage and it’s rapidly spreading across the United States. What does that mean for you? Every time you go out in public, you’re at risk for catching the virus. If you bring it home with you, your loved one may catch it.

Should you stay locked up at home? Not necessarily. What you should do is exercise some caution. Make sure you are careful to use sanitizing wipes or hand sanitizers whenever you are touching surfaces used by the public. Avoid people with obvious sniffles, coughing and flu/cold symptoms. Make sure that when you come home, you wash your hands properly. Think “Sink!”

Feel a cough or a sneeze coming on? Don’t put your hand to your mouth or nose! Go “hands free” and use the crook of your elbow to shield folks from that spray of secretions. And if you keep a box of tissues for those unexpected winter sneezes caused by allergies, dust, dry air, or holiday decorations that have been sitting all year in the attic, think “Sink!” after that nose gets wiped. It’s just one more layer of protection for your loved one.

But there’s more that you can do. Regularly disinfect kitchen and bathroom surfaces. Pay attention to those items most likely touched by human hands -- the refrigerator door handle, the microwave handle, the toilet handle, door knobs. It’s not a matter of hosing down the place every day. Get a good general purpose cleaner and keep it handy, for a quick wipe down, with roll of paper towels (don’t reuse a cloth or sponge -- these are incubation factories unless they are sterilized after each use). Don’t forget the TV remote, especially if your loved one shares it with other people!

Believe it or not, even computer, tablet, and cell phone surfaces are prone to harboring harmful germs. Stanford University students examined cell phones and determined they were 18 times dirtier than toilet handles. Never use regular cleaning products on electronics! There are special wipes and microfiber cloths you can buy that are made specifically for electronics -- they won’t damage your equipment while they safely remove contaminants. (Follow manufacturer recommendations for safe cleaning of electronics!)

Just one last thought -- so many people like to share photos and videos on their phones, passing them around from person to person. You might want to cheerfully intercept it as it heads toward your loved one and be the holder of that germ factory. Your loved one still gets to enjoy the show, but without being directly exposed.

Get yourself a rubber ducky and put it on the sink as a friendly reminder. Train yourself to think “Sink!” and you’ll have a better shot at keeping you AND your loved one healthier this winter!


For free caregiver education, visit The Practical Caregiver Guides -- help someone you love!