Sometimes it's hard for families to cope because their child is feeling the effects of treatment or the illness. Families stop playing and having fun together. Play is very important in a child's life. Having fun is an important bonding tool, especially for siblings. But how do you help your sick child to have fun with siblings who may have higher energy levels?
You can adapt some common card games to increase the fun quotient. You can use a regular deck of cards, minus the jokers. In Go Fish, the players try to match two of a kind by asking other players for cards they need to complete their pairs. The dealer deals seven cards to each player and places the rest of the deck on the table. The player to the dealer's left starts. If a player asks for a card from another player, but doesn't get it, he or she must pick from the pile. As soon as a player has all four of a kind, he or she puts it down. But what if you add a challenge to the game? Why not require the player to do a fish impression before he or she asks for a particular cards? Why not require that a player "swim" around the group before setting down those four of a kind? Your sick child can participate from his or her bed, by pretending to swim.
Crazy Eights is another game that can be adapted to create more physical fun for the group. The object of the game is to get rid of all your cards first, by playing off of the other players' cards. The dealer deals five cards to each player (seven if only two people are playing) and the rest go into a pile. The dealer turns up the first card on the pile and the player to his or her left must play a card of the same number or suit. If the two of hearts is the first card, the player may play a two or a heart. If a player has an eight, he or she may call for a new suit. In your version, you can require that the player who plays the eight has to do a silly dance around the group to announce the new suit. If it's your child's turn, but he or she doesn't have the energy to get out of bed, your child can pick someone to do the dance or your child can sit in bed and do a modified version, even using a puppet to make it sillier.
Why do these kinds of activities with a child in cancer care? Very often, the first thing to disappear from the home when a child is seriously ill is the laughter. This is often devastating to siblings in the family, but it also affects the sick child. When parents let go of the stresses and worries of caring for their child, and they engage in fun activities like playing children's card games in a silly way, they encourage the family to laugh again. Laughter is a very important bonding tool. Being able to have fun together means you're still a family, in spite of the cancer. Card games don't really take very long to play, but if you can enjoy them as a group, it sends the message that you can work together while your child is sick. And having the chance to move, even if it's a goofy dance, lets go of some of the tension that builds up in the body, especially if the family is sitting for long periods of time in a hospital room.
For more ideas on family fun, visit my website:
https://sites.google.com/site/thepracticalcaregiversickkids/
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
WHY ENGAGE SERIOUSLY SICK KIDS WITH ACTIVITIES?
One of the toughest things for parents, when a child is seriously sick, is to focus on engaging the child in activities. Why? We tend to think that children can't and shouldn't do anything when ill. They should conserve their energy and just focus on getting better.
But what happens to children who are seriously ill, especially if it's cancer and the outcome is uncertain? Do we send them the wrong message by putting learning and fun aside?
What do children need to hear when they have a serious illness? That there is nothing we can do to help them? That they are destined to lie in bed and watch TV all day long or play video games? The trouble with that is they aren't socializing in a meaningful way.
Children who are ill over a long period of time can sometimes lose their emotional connections to family members. Their illness and medical treatments can create a serious sense of isolation and abandonment for them. This can result in attachment disorder.
Even children who are confined to bed can still connect with family through games, play, and projects. You can still play "Simon Says" with your child, even if you just limit movement to the fingers, hands, and face. Your child can still play on his or her bed. Even sick children can create projects, books, and drawings. But to do that, they need parents that are willing to make the effort.
Sometimes parents get so bogged down by what cancer does to their child, they stop seeing what their child can do for himself or herself. If all you can think about is the cancer, you're not living in the moment. You're not empowering your child to play, to learn, and to grow.
If your child's cancer care has him or her stuck in bed, make good things happen. Help your child stay connected emotionally and physically to family and friends. Don't let cancer determine the state of your child's emotional health. Be proactive. Give your child a chance to use this time to forget about what cancer has done and to just have some good, old-fashioned fun.
For more tips on helping your child during cancer, visit:
The Practical Caregiver Guides
But what happens to children who are seriously ill, especially if it's cancer and the outcome is uncertain? Do we send them the wrong message by putting learning and fun aside?
What do children need to hear when they have a serious illness? That there is nothing we can do to help them? That they are destined to lie in bed and watch TV all day long or play video games? The trouble with that is they aren't socializing in a meaningful way.
Children who are ill over a long period of time can sometimes lose their emotional connections to family members. Their illness and medical treatments can create a serious sense of isolation and abandonment for them. This can result in attachment disorder.
Even children who are confined to bed can still connect with family through games, play, and projects. You can still play "Simon Says" with your child, even if you just limit movement to the fingers, hands, and face. Your child can still play on his or her bed. Even sick children can create projects, books, and drawings. But to do that, they need parents that are willing to make the effort.
Sometimes parents get so bogged down by what cancer does to their child, they stop seeing what their child can do for himself or herself. If all you can think about is the cancer, you're not living in the moment. You're not empowering your child to play, to learn, and to grow.
If your child's cancer care has him or her stuck in bed, make good things happen. Help your child stay connected emotionally and physically to family and friends. Don't let cancer determine the state of your child's emotional health. Be proactive. Give your child a chance to use this time to forget about what cancer has done and to just have some good, old-fashioned fun.
For more tips on helping your child during cancer, visit:
The Practical Caregiver Guides
Friday, December 24, 2010
WHY DVD PLAYERS ARE GREAT GIFTS FOR CANCER PATIENTS
DVD players are fairly inexpensive, and your loved one can also use one to watch movies. Many computers have built-in drives that will play these. Why not utilize them to help cancer patients feel connected to the "real world"?
What can you do with a DVD player when you want to cheer up a cancer patient who's physically challenged or limited by treatment side effects? You can:
Make video greetings
Record stories and memories
Share a book
Perform a song, dance, or skit
Record a recital or sports event
Recite poems
Show a favorite pet trick
Take a tour
Many times, family and friends want to give their loved ones something meaningful. A gift of the heart reaches out, beyond the miles. DVD's can be inexpensively made and mailed. If you climb a mountain, why not record a message at the top for your loved one? If you go fishing, why not capture the exciting thrill of reeling in a big one? If you take a drive to see the Christmas lights, why not record the magic of the moment? When you point your camera at what you are seeing, you are sharing the experience with someone who may not have the energy and stamina to get out and about. You're saying that life is still happening and you want your loved one to be a part of it. It gives you something to talk about, to laugh about, to enjoy together.
What's the best part about a really good DVD? Your loved one can share it with other people. Whether it's a grandchild performing a dance or a friend telling a funny story, the moment lives on through the DVD.
Why not be creative? Do you have a relative who does a great impression of master chef Julia Child? Put him or her in an apron and do a silly cooking demonstration. Does a relative have some comical advice on how to handle "difficult" doctors? Or is there an artist in the family? Why not share the latest painting or sculpture? Do you have a singer who can really hit those notes and belt out a tune? Is there a stand-up comic in the family who has a funny routine? Got a pet that has a silly trick or habit?Record the moments to share. It's not about the cancer. Family life is the glue that holds us together through the tough times.
Maybe you had a big snowstorm and got busy with building a snowman with the kids. Did you create a masterpiece? Or a snow village with a crowd of snowmen and snowwomen? Are you heading to a winter carnival, complete with ice carving competitions? Or maybe you're off on a cruise, to the land of tropical trees, gorgeous beaches, and aquamarine waters. Do a little travelogue for your loved one. Share your experiences. It sends the message that you do really care, that you are really thinking of him or her, and that you want to stay connected, even during cancer treatment.
You might be surprised at how easy it is for cancer patients to fall out of contact with family and friends. It's easy to feel forgotten when the phone doesn't ring as often and there's nothing in your inbox or mailbox. Cancer treatment can be very isolating for your loved one. Making the effort to stay connected is important, and caregivers can really help by encouraging the extended circle of family and friends to remain in touch.
What can you do with a DVD player when you want to cheer up a cancer patient who's physically challenged or limited by treatment side effects? You can:
Make video greetings
Record stories and memories
Share a book
Perform a song, dance, or skit
Record a recital or sports event
Recite poems
Show a favorite pet trick
Take a tour
Many times, family and friends want to give their loved ones something meaningful. A gift of the heart reaches out, beyond the miles. DVD's can be inexpensively made and mailed. If you climb a mountain, why not record a message at the top for your loved one? If you go fishing, why not capture the exciting thrill of reeling in a big one? If you take a drive to see the Christmas lights, why not record the magic of the moment? When you point your camera at what you are seeing, you are sharing the experience with someone who may not have the energy and stamina to get out and about. You're saying that life is still happening and you want your loved one to be a part of it. It gives you something to talk about, to laugh about, to enjoy together.
What's the best part about a really good DVD? Your loved one can share it with other people. Whether it's a grandchild performing a dance or a friend telling a funny story, the moment lives on through the DVD.
Why not be creative? Do you have a relative who does a great impression of master chef Julia Child? Put him or her in an apron and do a silly cooking demonstration. Does a relative have some comical advice on how to handle "difficult" doctors? Or is there an artist in the family? Why not share the latest painting or sculpture? Do you have a singer who can really hit those notes and belt out a tune? Is there a stand-up comic in the family who has a funny routine? Got a pet that has a silly trick or habit?Record the moments to share. It's not about the cancer. Family life is the glue that holds us together through the tough times.
Maybe you had a big snowstorm and got busy with building a snowman with the kids. Did you create a masterpiece? Or a snow village with a crowd of snowmen and snowwomen? Are you heading to a winter carnival, complete with ice carving competitions? Or maybe you're off on a cruise, to the land of tropical trees, gorgeous beaches, and aquamarine waters. Do a little travelogue for your loved one. Share your experiences. It sends the message that you do really care, that you are really thinking of him or her, and that you want to stay connected, even during cancer treatment.
You might be surprised at how easy it is for cancer patients to fall out of contact with family and friends. It's easy to feel forgotten when the phone doesn't ring as often and there's nothing in your inbox or mailbox. Cancer treatment can be very isolating for your loved one. Making the effort to stay connected is important, and caregivers can really help by encouraging the extended circle of family and friends to remain in touch.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
KEEPING CHILDREN ENGAGED DURING CANCER TREATMENT
It's hard for parents to see their child in a bed,overwhelmed by cancer and its treatment. So many times, families spend their days at the hospital, watching helplessly as their loved ones get radiation, chemotherapy, and even surgery.
Usually, the disruption to family life puts a tremendous strain on everyone. The child with cancer suffers from the side effects of the treatment and from the cancer itself. The parents suffer the emotional anguish and often physical burden of having a child seriously ill. And the siblings, too, find that childhood disappears in the midst of such a grave situation.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do during this time is to stick to family routines and traditions. If you're familiar with hospital life, you know there's rarely a schedule that goes right.
But parents can do some things to keep the family focused, even when a child is hospitalized. Whenever possible, stick to normal routines. If your child regularly naps in the afternoon, make that a quiet time. Tell relatives and friends that is not a good time to visit. Stick to normal bedtimes as much as you can. Half an hour or so before your child normally hits the sack, turn off the TV. Remind your child to brush his or her teeth. Read some stories together. Help your child to settle down for the night.
To many parents, it may sound strange to have your child follow routines when seriously ill, but the truth is it can provide a sense of security during a stressful time. Structure and routine tell your child everything is "normal" and that you're still in charge of their lives in a positive way.
It's also good for you. Sitting in a hospital, day after day, is emotionally and physically exhausting. When you keep family routines going, it allows you to have some control over your life. You're making parental decisions for your child. The doctors and nurses will make the medical ones. As much as it is difficult for you to watch your child go through cancer treatment and deal with the side effects, you need some structure and routine as well.
Engaging your child in play is another way that parents can help their children. Play allows a child to release stress and anxiety that builds up during the day. Whether you challenge your child to a game of cards or to draw a special picture together, you are showing your child you still believe in him or her.
Sometimes the hardest part of cancer treatment is to leave it behind for a little while and just have some fun. Laughter can lighten the heart and opportunities to learn and have fun can help a cancer patient feel more normal again. They feed the soul. As a parent, you still have power to help your child in very positive ways. Use it wisely and appreciate it for what it is.
For ideas, tips, and activities for children with cancer, visit my websites:
THE PRACTICAL CAREGIVER'S GUIDE FOR SICK KIDS STUCK IN BED
https://sites.google.com/site/thepracticalcaregiversickkids/
BARKLEY AND RUFFUS MCDILLY'S GUIDE -- HELPING SIBLINGS COPE WITH A CHILD'S SERIOUS ILLNESS
https://sites.google.com/site/barkleyandruffusmcdillysguide/
Usually, the disruption to family life puts a tremendous strain on everyone. The child with cancer suffers from the side effects of the treatment and from the cancer itself. The parents suffer the emotional anguish and often physical burden of having a child seriously ill. And the siblings, too, find that childhood disappears in the midst of such a grave situation.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do during this time is to stick to family routines and traditions. If you're familiar with hospital life, you know there's rarely a schedule that goes right.
But parents can do some things to keep the family focused, even when a child is hospitalized. Whenever possible, stick to normal routines. If your child regularly naps in the afternoon, make that a quiet time. Tell relatives and friends that is not a good time to visit. Stick to normal bedtimes as much as you can. Half an hour or so before your child normally hits the sack, turn off the TV. Remind your child to brush his or her teeth. Read some stories together. Help your child to settle down for the night.
To many parents, it may sound strange to have your child follow routines when seriously ill, but the truth is it can provide a sense of security during a stressful time. Structure and routine tell your child everything is "normal" and that you're still in charge of their lives in a positive way.
It's also good for you. Sitting in a hospital, day after day, is emotionally and physically exhausting. When you keep family routines going, it allows you to have some control over your life. You're making parental decisions for your child. The doctors and nurses will make the medical ones. As much as it is difficult for you to watch your child go through cancer treatment and deal with the side effects, you need some structure and routine as well.
Engaging your child in play is another way that parents can help their children. Play allows a child to release stress and anxiety that builds up during the day. Whether you challenge your child to a game of cards or to draw a special picture together, you are showing your child you still believe in him or her.
Sometimes the hardest part of cancer treatment is to leave it behind for a little while and just have some fun. Laughter can lighten the heart and opportunities to learn and have fun can help a cancer patient feel more normal again. They feed the soul. As a parent, you still have power to help your child in very positive ways. Use it wisely and appreciate it for what it is.
For ideas, tips, and activities for children with cancer, visit my websites:
THE PRACTICAL CAREGIVER'S GUIDE FOR SICK KIDS STUCK IN BED
https://sites.google.com/site/thepracticalcaregiversickkids/
BARKLEY AND RUFFUS MCDILLY'S GUIDE -- HELPING SIBLINGS COPE WITH A CHILD'S SERIOUS ILLNESS
https://sites.google.com/site/barkleyandruffusmcdillysguide/
Monday, December 20, 2010
CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR KIDS WITH CANCER
It's hard to know what to get a child who has cancer for Christmas. Often we forget that there are opportunities we can utilize to help the child stay involved with life.
Depending on the age of the child and his or her abilities to engage in play while under medical treatment, family and friends can actually choose from a wide range of toys and games.
Many children hospitalized will probably tell you they are often bored. It's hard to be stuck in a bed for hours on end. If you don't have the energy to go to the play room, or if you are isolated from other children because your immune system is down, you should still have the chance to play.
Travel-sized games are great for kids who are stuck in bed. They can be played on a tray table or a foam board that you buy at the local office supply store. When a meal comes, you just lift the light-weight board off and set it aside. These are also great for doing puzzles.
Never underestimate the power of a kit for a child cooped up in a hospital bed or at home. There are many award-winners that have been tested and approved by experts. If your child is a doll lover, you can find a cardboard doll house kit that your child can decorate. There are kits for making little purses, gardens, jewelry, memory tiles, and so many other things.
But sometimes even just simple gifts, like a deck of cards, can offer a child hours of fun. You can get fancy and find colorful illustrated versions of Old Maid, Go Fish, and even Uno. Cards don't take up a lot of storage space at the hospital. They tuck into a drawer.
And there's always Rubik's Cube, the ever-challenging 3-D puzzle.
But sometimes there are simple little gifts that can mean a lot. Snow globes can be a wonderful bedside Christmas decoration when there isn't room for a tree. It's a magical wonderland of hope and promise.
Even when held down by illness, children are still children. If their bodies can't provide them with adventures, bring the adventure to them. Give them the opportunity to exercise their minds.
For more suggestions and tips, visit my free guide, The Practical Caregiver's Guide for Sick Kids Stuck in Bed:
https://sites.google.com/site/thepracticalcaregiversickkids/
Depending on the age of the child and his or her abilities to engage in play while under medical treatment, family and friends can actually choose from a wide range of toys and games.
Many children hospitalized will probably tell you they are often bored. It's hard to be stuck in a bed for hours on end. If you don't have the energy to go to the play room, or if you are isolated from other children because your immune system is down, you should still have the chance to play.
Travel-sized games are great for kids who are stuck in bed. They can be played on a tray table or a foam board that you buy at the local office supply store. When a meal comes, you just lift the light-weight board off and set it aside. These are also great for doing puzzles.
Never underestimate the power of a kit for a child cooped up in a hospital bed or at home. There are many award-winners that have been tested and approved by experts. If your child is a doll lover, you can find a cardboard doll house kit that your child can decorate. There are kits for making little purses, gardens, jewelry, memory tiles, and so many other things.
But sometimes even just simple gifts, like a deck of cards, can offer a child hours of fun. You can get fancy and find colorful illustrated versions of Old Maid, Go Fish, and even Uno. Cards don't take up a lot of storage space at the hospital. They tuck into a drawer.
And there's always Rubik's Cube, the ever-challenging 3-D puzzle.
But sometimes there are simple little gifts that can mean a lot. Snow globes can be a wonderful bedside Christmas decoration when there isn't room for a tree. It's a magical wonderland of hope and promise.
Even when held down by illness, children are still children. If their bodies can't provide them with adventures, bring the adventure to them. Give them the opportunity to exercise their minds.
For more suggestions and tips, visit my free guide, The Practical Caregiver's Guide for Sick Kids Stuck in Bed:
https://sites.google.com/site/thepracticalcaregiversickkids/
Friday, December 17, 2010
CREATE A CANCER FAMILY WEBSITE
What can you do with a cancer family website, to help support your loved one through active cancer treatment and beyond?
1. Keep family and friends in your loved one's circle updated on the current situation. When you create a blog page, you or your loved one has the opportunity to communicate important information to those in the circle.
2. Give your loved one a chance to create a list of wishes, hopes, dreams, goals, or anything else that he or she needs. By sharing this with the circle, your loved one can find support and encouragement, and possibly even help.
3. Notify the people in your loved one's circle of events and fundraisers that are undertaken on behalf of your loved one, or even family trips to special places.
4. Create a "contact" list of those people in the circle, with addresses, phone numbers, and email information. This can help when people want to join forces to help your family.
5. Share photos of your loved one, as well as anything else that matters to him or her. Maybe your loved one has favorite memories to be shared, or a special event. By creating a web page for this, the circle has the chance to be a part of your loved one's life.
6. If your love one is undergoing a special treatment, such as a bone marrow transplant, the website can help your family and friends stayed in touch, even if you need to travel out of state for the care.
7. Create a family calendar of events that is accessible to the circle. This is wonderful when you need help with transportation, child care for the family when your loved one is having treatment, or even to notify your circle of social gatherings.
8. Have a "To Do" list of needs that your family is having trouble meeting during cancer treatment. If you have children, you may want family and friends to help them stay active while you are managing cancer treatments. Siblings often have a difficult time, and having the chance to get out with family and friends can relieve the stress and fill the gap. Parents of children with cancer and parents who are the cancer patients often don't have the time or the energy to provide the kind of attention and activities children need. Let friends and family help by letting them know this is needed.
Children undergoing cancer treatment are often out of school for extended periods of time. A cancer family website could help your child remain connected to his or her social circle during absences. It's really hard for children to be separated from their friends, but sometimes it's necessary. Finding ways to help them through such times is very important for emotional support and for social development. You might create a list of books your loved one has read.
Whatever you do when you put together a cancer family website, remember that privacy can be a serious issue. You can restrict access to the family website, and I recommend doing this. You can also make the calendar accessible only to those on your list.
If you would like more ideas on family care-giving during cancer treatment, visit:
The Practical Caregiver Guides
1. Keep family and friends in your loved one's circle updated on the current situation. When you create a blog page, you or your loved one has the opportunity to communicate important information to those in the circle.
2. Give your loved one a chance to create a list of wishes, hopes, dreams, goals, or anything else that he or she needs. By sharing this with the circle, your loved one can find support and encouragement, and possibly even help.
3. Notify the people in your loved one's circle of events and fundraisers that are undertaken on behalf of your loved one, or even family trips to special places.
4. Create a "contact" list of those people in the circle, with addresses, phone numbers, and email information. This can help when people want to join forces to help your family.
5. Share photos of your loved one, as well as anything else that matters to him or her. Maybe your loved one has favorite memories to be shared, or a special event. By creating a web page for this, the circle has the chance to be a part of your loved one's life.
6. If your love one is undergoing a special treatment, such as a bone marrow transplant, the website can help your family and friends stayed in touch, even if you need to travel out of state for the care.
7. Create a family calendar of events that is accessible to the circle. This is wonderful when you need help with transportation, child care for the family when your loved one is having treatment, or even to notify your circle of social gatherings.
8. Have a "To Do" list of needs that your family is having trouble meeting during cancer treatment. If you have children, you may want family and friends to help them stay active while you are managing cancer treatments. Siblings often have a difficult time, and having the chance to get out with family and friends can relieve the stress and fill the gap. Parents of children with cancer and parents who are the cancer patients often don't have the time or the energy to provide the kind of attention and activities children need. Let friends and family help by letting them know this is needed.
Children undergoing cancer treatment are often out of school for extended periods of time. A cancer family website could help your child remain connected to his or her social circle during absences. It's really hard for children to be separated from their friends, but sometimes it's necessary. Finding ways to help them through such times is very important for emotional support and for social development. You might create a list of books your loved one has read.
Whatever you do when you put together a cancer family website, remember that privacy can be a serious issue. You can restrict access to the family website, and I recommend doing this. You can also make the calendar accessible only to those on your list.
If you would like more ideas on family care-giving during cancer treatment, visit:
The Practical Caregiver Guides
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
IS THERE TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON CANCER PATIENTS?
In a perfect world, all cancer patients would be cured of this insidious disease and they wouldn't have the side effects that come with surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy. But alas, cancer is what it is.
Is there too much pressure on cancer patients to cure themselves? In our effort to believe the impossible is possible, do we push cancer patients too much, to the point where they feel they have failed when cancer spins out of control? How can we help them to engage in their battle against cancer in a more realistic and honest way?
We know that attitude is a huge part of keeping a patient moving towards cure. If you believe that there's a good chance you can be cured, you will undergo treatment and follow-up care more regularly, and that will keep you in better shape to get past the obstacles that stand in the way. But there is more to cure than just attitude. And that's where setting realistic goals is important.
Do we ask an average athlete to compete in the Olympics? Or an untrained singer to sing a difficult aria? Or someone who is new to chess to play a chess master? The scales aren't tipped in favor of those who don't have what it takes. Most of us are not super-human and we don't have super powers.
Perhaps we should be helping cancer patients to develop their strength in living life while fighting cancer. Cure does not come overnight, but over time, and in stages. If cancer is a mountain that needs climbing, cancer patients need the stamina, the skills, and the support to make it. The truth is that we often don't always know everything that is going on in the body of a cancer patient. Cancer can hide out for some time before it is discovered. If patients spend all their time and energy in seeking cure, don't they miss the living along the way?
Like students who are pushed to be over-achievers, cancer patients can feel like failures, feeling anxiety over cancer treatments that may not succeed. Instead of living their lives and finding the joy in the moment, they worry that the cancer will win and they will lose. They put their "all" into the battle against a powerful foe, and in doing so, miss out of what really matters.
The truth is we all will die at some point in our lives. There is never enough time to do all of the things we want to do in life. But if cancer patients spend all their time wrapped up in the idea that they must fight and beat cancer, cancer controls their lives. It permeates every facet of their lives, every waking hour.
Not everyone was made to climb Mt. Everest. And many of us wouldn't want to be alone at the frigid summit. The average person wants to love and be loved, to laugh and share, to enjoy what is most precious in life. If you are able to do that while facing cancer, you truly are a winner.
Is there too much pressure on cancer patients to cure themselves? In our effort to believe the impossible is possible, do we push cancer patients too much, to the point where they feel they have failed when cancer spins out of control? How can we help them to engage in their battle against cancer in a more realistic and honest way?
We know that attitude is a huge part of keeping a patient moving towards cure. If you believe that there's a good chance you can be cured, you will undergo treatment and follow-up care more regularly, and that will keep you in better shape to get past the obstacles that stand in the way. But there is more to cure than just attitude. And that's where setting realistic goals is important.
Do we ask an average athlete to compete in the Olympics? Or an untrained singer to sing a difficult aria? Or someone who is new to chess to play a chess master? The scales aren't tipped in favor of those who don't have what it takes. Most of us are not super-human and we don't have super powers.
Perhaps we should be helping cancer patients to develop their strength in living life while fighting cancer. Cure does not come overnight, but over time, and in stages. If cancer is a mountain that needs climbing, cancer patients need the stamina, the skills, and the support to make it. The truth is that we often don't always know everything that is going on in the body of a cancer patient. Cancer can hide out for some time before it is discovered. If patients spend all their time and energy in seeking cure, don't they miss the living along the way?
Like students who are pushed to be over-achievers, cancer patients can feel like failures, feeling anxiety over cancer treatments that may not succeed. Instead of living their lives and finding the joy in the moment, they worry that the cancer will win and they will lose. They put their "all" into the battle against a powerful foe, and in doing so, miss out of what really matters.
The truth is we all will die at some point in our lives. There is never enough time to do all of the things we want to do in life. But if cancer patients spend all their time wrapped up in the idea that they must fight and beat cancer, cancer controls their lives. It permeates every facet of their lives, every waking hour.
Not everyone was made to climb Mt. Everest. And many of us wouldn't want to be alone at the frigid summit. The average person wants to love and be loved, to laugh and share, to enjoy what is most precious in life. If you are able to do that while facing cancer, you truly are a winner.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
JINGLE ALL THE WAY
What do you give a cancer patient for Christmas that can improve self-esteem and provide a little confidence? For those patients with significant hair loss due to chemotherapy, a hat can be a fun gift.
Got a lover of sports teams? Why not get him or her a team logo cap? The wonderful thing about sports caps is they can be collected by non-cancer patients, too. That makes it even more appealing, doesn't it? How many sports fans have a cap collection? It's the kind of thing that can almost be addictive. In this day and age of Internet shopping, you can get apparel for just about any team that exists, whether it's a local team or even a foreign one. If you throw in a banner or a mug, the cap suddenly isn't just about cancer and covering up a bald head. It becomes a matter of supporting a beloved team. Kids who love NASCAR might also enjoy a logo jacket and a model car for their favorite driver, or a tee shirt that tells the world he or she is a NASCAR nut.
But what do you do for cancer patients who don't wear baseball caps? My mother used to visit the gift shop in her cancer treatment center on a regular basis. She loved the "chemo cap" offerings in the store. There were wild, vibrant choices and dignified, classy choices. Sometimes there were even glittery choices, appropriate for wearing out in the evening. From turbans to scarves to caps, there were many attractive choices.
That's something families need to understand about cancer patients. It's tough to stand out in a crowd for the wrong reason. People want to be admired. When you walk into a room, you want people to think you look great. You don't want them to think about the fact that you look too bald, too thin, too pale, or too weak to stand. Cancer patients have a tough time going out during the holiday season and being admired for looking good. That can negatively affect one's self-esteem.
Hats and caps for cancer patients shouldn't just be about covering up what's missing. They should reflect the personality and style of each. If Aunt Mary is a wild woman, her chemo cap should shout this to the world. "Here she comes and she's on fire, baby!" If Uncle Joe is a quiet, intellectual man who is dignified and distinguished, he's not going to feel like himself in a baseball cap. Maybe he's the type for a nice black beret. What if Eveleyn has a gorgeous dress for the family Christmas party, but nothing to wear on her head? A pretty velvet turban or elegant scarf might just complete the look.
You may think it's not a big deal for cancer patients to just slap on a wig and be done with it, but the truth is there are many cancer patients who really don't enjoy wearing them.
My mother had a wig. She wore it less than a week before abandoning it for a chemo cap. But after a week of wearing the same two caps day in and day out, she was very frustrated. That's when I learned how to make her matching chemo caps and pants. She adored her coordinated outfits. Not only was she making a fashion statement by wearing vibrant prints, she was declaring that her personality had not been subdued by cancer. She was still in there in that body, and she was stronger than cancer.
The trouble with wearing the same chemo cap day in and day out is that you start to feel like it's a cover-up, a hair bandage, if you will. Your wardrobe revolves around the limited number of caps you have. Having a week's worth of chemo caps means you have choices of what you can wear. It lets you express yourself a little more.
But why not help a cancer patient have some fun? Why not buy a colorful hat or cap and embellish it? Why not add appliques, charms, buttons, and other fun things to decorate it? You can buy hats in department stores and sometimes even craft stores. There are stick-on appliques, iron-on appliques, and even sew-on appliques at craft stores. They usually just cost a couple of dollars. You can also find any number of charms, jewels, and other interesting add-ons. If Uncle Sid is a poker player, why not add some dice to a bucket hat? Or find a patch with a jack of hearts on it? It becomes his "lucky cap". If little Mary Catherine is a fan of dogs and cats, why not decorate a cap for her with charms that reflect this interest? If Aunt Bella is a fan of bling, why not find her a chemo cap that glitters?
You can go online for these. Some are made specifically for cancer patients, so they won't irritate delicate skin.There are websites that offer hats and caps for cancer patients. Headcovers.com is one:
http://www.headcovers.com/
There is a big selection to choose from, and that means that you can find something that really fits your loved one's personality. Whether it's a turban for your grandmother or a swim cap for little Jess, you can find a gift that will help your loved one feel more like everyone else, and that means he or she will feel better able to socialize with the rest of the world. Isolation is a terrible side effect for cancer patients. It's lonely to hide away at home, feeling unattractive. Don't let cancer control how your loved one celebrates the holiday season. Give your loved one the confidence to get out and get living.
For more tips on helping a loved one with cancer, view my guide:
https://sites.google.com/site/practicalcaregivercancer/home
Got a lover of sports teams? Why not get him or her a team logo cap? The wonderful thing about sports caps is they can be collected by non-cancer patients, too. That makes it even more appealing, doesn't it? How many sports fans have a cap collection? It's the kind of thing that can almost be addictive. In this day and age of Internet shopping, you can get apparel for just about any team that exists, whether it's a local team or even a foreign one. If you throw in a banner or a mug, the cap suddenly isn't just about cancer and covering up a bald head. It becomes a matter of supporting a beloved team. Kids who love NASCAR might also enjoy a logo jacket and a model car for their favorite driver, or a tee shirt that tells the world he or she is a NASCAR nut.
But what do you do for cancer patients who don't wear baseball caps? My mother used to visit the gift shop in her cancer treatment center on a regular basis. She loved the "chemo cap" offerings in the store. There were wild, vibrant choices and dignified, classy choices. Sometimes there were even glittery choices, appropriate for wearing out in the evening. From turbans to scarves to caps, there were many attractive choices.
That's something families need to understand about cancer patients. It's tough to stand out in a crowd for the wrong reason. People want to be admired. When you walk into a room, you want people to think you look great. You don't want them to think about the fact that you look too bald, too thin, too pale, or too weak to stand. Cancer patients have a tough time going out during the holiday season and being admired for looking good. That can negatively affect one's self-esteem.
Hats and caps for cancer patients shouldn't just be about covering up what's missing. They should reflect the personality and style of each. If Aunt Mary is a wild woman, her chemo cap should shout this to the world. "Here she comes and she's on fire, baby!" If Uncle Joe is a quiet, intellectual man who is dignified and distinguished, he's not going to feel like himself in a baseball cap. Maybe he's the type for a nice black beret. What if Eveleyn has a gorgeous dress for the family Christmas party, but nothing to wear on her head? A pretty velvet turban or elegant scarf might just complete the look.
You may think it's not a big deal for cancer patients to just slap on a wig and be done with it, but the truth is there are many cancer patients who really don't enjoy wearing them.
My mother had a wig. She wore it less than a week before abandoning it for a chemo cap. But after a week of wearing the same two caps day in and day out, she was very frustrated. That's when I learned how to make her matching chemo caps and pants. She adored her coordinated outfits. Not only was she making a fashion statement by wearing vibrant prints, she was declaring that her personality had not been subdued by cancer. She was still in there in that body, and she was stronger than cancer.
The trouble with wearing the same chemo cap day in and day out is that you start to feel like it's a cover-up, a hair bandage, if you will. Your wardrobe revolves around the limited number of caps you have. Having a week's worth of chemo caps means you have choices of what you can wear. It lets you express yourself a little more.
But why not help a cancer patient have some fun? Why not buy a colorful hat or cap and embellish it? Why not add appliques, charms, buttons, and other fun things to decorate it? You can buy hats in department stores and sometimes even craft stores. There are stick-on appliques, iron-on appliques, and even sew-on appliques at craft stores. They usually just cost a couple of dollars. You can also find any number of charms, jewels, and other interesting add-ons. If Uncle Sid is a poker player, why not add some dice to a bucket hat? Or find a patch with a jack of hearts on it? It becomes his "lucky cap". If little Mary Catherine is a fan of dogs and cats, why not decorate a cap for her with charms that reflect this interest? If Aunt Bella is a fan of bling, why not find her a chemo cap that glitters?
You can go online for these. Some are made specifically for cancer patients, so they won't irritate delicate skin.There are websites that offer hats and caps for cancer patients. Headcovers.com is one:
http://www.headcovers.com/
There is a big selection to choose from, and that means that you can find something that really fits your loved one's personality. Whether it's a turban for your grandmother or a swim cap for little Jess, you can find a gift that will help your loved one feel more like everyone else, and that means he or she will feel better able to socialize with the rest of the world. Isolation is a terrible side effect for cancer patients. It's lonely to hide away at home, feeling unattractive. Don't let cancer control how your loved one celebrates the holiday season. Give your loved one the confidence to get out and get living.
For more tips on helping a loved one with cancer, view my guide:
https://sites.google.com/site/practicalcaregivercancer/home
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Practical Caregiver -- Cancer: "I PROMISE NOT TO BREATHE ON YOU!"
The Practical Caregiver -- Cancer: "I PROMISE NOT TO BREATHE ON YOU!": "Oh, it's cold and flu season! For most people, it's an inconvenience to be ill, especially during the holidays. But for cancer patients, it ..."
"I PROMISE NOT TO BREATHE ON YOU!"
Oh, it's cold and flu season! For most people, it's an inconvenience to be ill, especially during the holidays. But for cancer patients, it can be devastating. Cancer treatment centers often inform patients when they are vulnerable, and it's important for families to understand the risk posed by viruses and other threats to immune systems.
I remember being absolutely terrified when I went to visit an aunt who was battling cancer. I knew it was my allergies that had me congested, but I also needed to remember that she was very vulnerable to any kind of infection. I took precautions and worried through the entire visit. It's hard when someone you love has cancer and you want to be there.
When my mother was actively being treated for cancer, her medical team would periodically warn us that she was particularly vulnerable. That meant we avoided crowds and cautioned family and friends to forgo visits if they were ill. But it didn't mean life stopped for my mother. I still took her out and about, but I used some common sense. We avoided crowds. We took more drives, had more picnics, and explored the "unbeaten path". We even went to movie matinees in quiet, little theaters, where there were only a handful of theatergoers.
There were times, however, when we had to tell people to stay away. My mother was the first to ask any prospective visitor, "Do you have a cold?" Every family invitation included that question. Very often, especially in the winter months, the answer was yes. Many a family gathering was called on account of illness.
At first, some relatives tried to be creative, because they genuinely didn't understand the enormous risk of being exposed to viruses for a cancer patient. We often heard things like, "I promise I won't breathe on you!" People offered to come and sit in the corner. They swore they would not hug and kiss my mother. All they really wanted was to spend time with her.
The truth is that cancer patients really need to be protected when their immune systems cannot handle the effort to engage in a battle with another foe other than cancer. And yet, cancer patients need socialization, don't they?
Why not encourage family and friends to make video visits, through free service, like Skype? Why not encourage text messages, emails, phone calls, and even traditional cards and letters? Your loved one needs to know people care. It's important to have a support system, and that your loved one is covered by it.
You need to be vigilant when your loved one is vulnerable. It's a time to be protective.
Why should you make such an effort? Why does it matter? Your goal is to help your loved one have the best chance to survive cancer. Imagine how terrible it would be to put so much effort into the fight, only to lose to a common cold. Those complications are just not worthy of your loved one.
How successful were we at keeping my mother safe from colds, flu, and other threats? She was extremely lucky. She got through her cancer treatment without any problem. It was worth the effort. But there was also a positive side effect for the rest of us. Because we were so vigilant about hand-washing, sanitizing, and making sure to avoid bringing home viruses, we stayed a lot healthier, too. Not a bad way to live.
If you would like more tips on how to help your loved one through cancer, visit my website,
The Practical Caregiver's Guide -- Advice for Families Caring for a Loved One with Cancer:
https://sites.google.com/site/practicalcaregivercancer/home
I remember being absolutely terrified when I went to visit an aunt who was battling cancer. I knew it was my allergies that had me congested, but I also needed to remember that she was very vulnerable to any kind of infection. I took precautions and worried through the entire visit. It's hard when someone you love has cancer and you want to be there.
When my mother was actively being treated for cancer, her medical team would periodically warn us that she was particularly vulnerable. That meant we avoided crowds and cautioned family and friends to forgo visits if they were ill. But it didn't mean life stopped for my mother. I still took her out and about, but I used some common sense. We avoided crowds. We took more drives, had more picnics, and explored the "unbeaten path". We even went to movie matinees in quiet, little theaters, where there were only a handful of theatergoers.
There were times, however, when we had to tell people to stay away. My mother was the first to ask any prospective visitor, "Do you have a cold?" Every family invitation included that question. Very often, especially in the winter months, the answer was yes. Many a family gathering was called on account of illness.
At first, some relatives tried to be creative, because they genuinely didn't understand the enormous risk of being exposed to viruses for a cancer patient. We often heard things like, "I promise I won't breathe on you!" People offered to come and sit in the corner. They swore they would not hug and kiss my mother. All they really wanted was to spend time with her.
The truth is that cancer patients really need to be protected when their immune systems cannot handle the effort to engage in a battle with another foe other than cancer. And yet, cancer patients need socialization, don't they?
Why not encourage family and friends to make video visits, through free service, like Skype? Why not encourage text messages, emails, phone calls, and even traditional cards and letters? Your loved one needs to know people care. It's important to have a support system, and that your loved one is covered by it.
You need to be vigilant when your loved one is vulnerable. It's a time to be protective.
Why should you make such an effort? Why does it matter? Your goal is to help your loved one have the best chance to survive cancer. Imagine how terrible it would be to put so much effort into the fight, only to lose to a common cold. Those complications are just not worthy of your loved one.
How successful were we at keeping my mother safe from colds, flu, and other threats? She was extremely lucky. She got through her cancer treatment without any problem. It was worth the effort. But there was also a positive side effect for the rest of us. Because we were so vigilant about hand-washing, sanitizing, and making sure to avoid bringing home viruses, we stayed a lot healthier, too. Not a bad way to live.
If you would like more tips on how to help your loved one through cancer, visit my website,
The Practical Caregiver's Guide -- Advice for Families Caring for a Loved One with Cancer:
https://sites.google.com/site/practicalcaregivercancer/home
Friday, December 10, 2010
The Practical Caregiver -- Cancer: CANCER AND THE HOLIDAYS
The Practical Caregiver -- Cancer: CANCER AND THE HOLIDAYS: "It's hard to have cancer at the holidays. If you're undergoing active treatment, sometimes the side effects are overwhelming. If your cancer..."
CANCER AND THE HOLIDAYS
One thing I learned as a caregiver for someone with cancer is that you must, as a family, be flexible. Some things are what they are. If you try to continue with family traditions, as if nothing has changed, you're likely to find your plans sadly undermined by reality. There's nothing worse than having your loved one feel more miserable because he or she can't enjoy the gathering.
You need to make an honest assessment of your loved one before you do any planning for the holidays. First, what is your loved one's energy level and what affects it? If he or she is having treatments, when do the side effects kick in? You may find that if you're planning a gathering and it's the day that your loved one is most likely to be affected by treatment side effects, you're going to cause more problems than you solve.
Sometimes changing the date of the gathering is more important than having it on the actual holiday. If you're used to celebrating on Christmas Day, but you know your loved one is going to be wiped out because of chemo, celebrate on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day this year instead.
If your loved one's energy is lower because he or she isn't functioning as well as past years, it's important to take this into consideration while making plans. Maybe what you really need to do is scale back the festivities this year. Make the celebration easier all around.
If you're hosting the party, keep the menu simple, but tasty. It's sometimes easier for your loved one to have a shorter family visit. Have the food ready to heat. If folks are used to coming at three, ask them to come at four-thirty. This gives your loved one a chance to rest before guests arrive. Instead of having lots of hors doeuvres, offer one or two choices and serve dinner twenty minutes later. Put the coffee in a thermal carafe or two, and keep your desserts uncomplicated.This way, your loved one doesn't have to dread the holidays. It's easier to be "up" for a party lasting two hours than one lasting four, if you have limited energy.
It's important that family members are supportive of the game plan and that they understand the need to shorten the festivities. You'll be amazed at how much fun you can pack into a couple of hours when you eliminate the complications.
If you're going to a family gathering, make an effort to gently explain the needs of your loved one and work with your hosts to find ways that will allow your loved one to enjoy the party without being physically or emotionally overwhelmed. Maybe the other guests can arrive at the normal time, but you and your loved one can arrive twenty minutes before dinner is served. Sometimes having the opportunity to skip some of the party means your loved one has enough energy to enjoy the important part of the occasion.
You may, however, come upon a brick wall with a relative who doesn't want to be flexible. Some people insist on following traditions, regardless of the needs of your loved one. In that case, you may have to explain that you just can't do things as you would in a "normal" year.
If the big party is too much for your loved one to handle, why not ask people to stop by for dessert and coffee with you and your loved one? By arranging for the group to come to your home after the dinner, your loved one still has the chance to socialize. Let's be honest. Dessert is usually the best part of dinner anyway, isn't it?
The important thing you need to always remember is that cancer patients don't want to be treated like the skunks at the party. They may need to rest more, they may not be able to cope with holiday stress as easily as they might have before cancer, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be part of the party. Find ways to empower them to enjoy themselves -- leave the cancer behind for a few hours and just have a good time.
A WORD OF CAUTION -- IF YOUR LOVED ONE IS VULNERABLE BECAUSE OF IMMUNITY ISSUES OR LOW BLOOD COUNTS, YOU MAY NEED TO PUT PLANS ON HOLD FOR THE HOLIDAYS, ESPECIALLY IF FAMILY MEMBERS HAVE COLDS OR EXPOSURE TO THE FLU. ALWAYS CHECK AHEAD OF TIME.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
The Practical Caregiver -- Cancer: IS "THE JOURNEY FORWARD" PROGRAM FOR CANCER PATIEN...
The Practical Caregiver -- Cancer: IS "THE JOURNEY FORWARD" PROGRAM FOR CANCER PATIEN...: "I saw an ad in today's New York Times for a program that is aimed at helping cancer patients after they finish active treatment. It's called..."
IS "THE JOURNEY FORWARD" PROGRAM FOR CANCER PATIENTS A LIFE SAVER?
I saw an ad in today's New York Times for a program that is aimed at helping cancer patients after they finish active treatment. It's called "Journey Forward", part of the Wellpoint effort to improve health care for cancer survivors. Teaming with UCLA Cancer Survivorship Center, the National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship, and Genentech, they created a program that expects to improve coordination and communication between cancer patients and their oncology and primary care physicians.
The program provides tools to help patients to have the important discussions with their medical team on what steps can be taken by patients to manage the physical and emotional issues that arise for cancer survivors:
http://journeyforward.org
The goal of the program is to "...Prevent recurrent and new cancers as well as other late effects; Intervene for symptoms that result from cancer and its treatment; Coordinate the work of specialists and primary care physicians to ensure that all of a Survivor's health needs are met."
This means that each cancer patient will have a Survivorship Care Plan, and that will allow them to know they will continue to receive the same level of care even after active treatment of their cancer ends. Journey Forward promises to provide a bridge of care to help cancer survivors know what to expect for their future.
Components of the program include a survivorship tool kit, a medical history builder, a resources directory, and tips on talking to your doctor. This can help tremendously in understanding not only how cancer affects you, but what you can expect when active cancer treatment ends, and you're no longer making the trips to the center.
On the surface, it sounds like a great idea. How many cancer patients end active treatment and then feel like they are left dangling off of a cliff, unable to climb up or safely get down? With a plan in place, with information on what to expect and signs that are critical to monitor, won't this be a benefit to cancer survivors? There is surely nothing as frustrating as trying to figure out how to get back to living after cancer treatment. In the back of one's mind is always the fear that cancer will return, maybe in a different location. This program appears to tackle that issue, by offering a way to coordinate not only with the oncology team, but also with the primary care physicians.
The question is how will cancer patients view this program? Would it be helpful, after you are discharged from active cancer treatment, to know that your primary care physician will participate in your care and will be part of the team that supports you? I wonder how many cancer patients hesitate to call their oncology team when they notice a little symptom pop up here and there. Would it be less terrifying to call your primary care physician for a check-up?
For many cancer patients, there are long-term side effects from treatment, and some can linger for a long time, affecting one's quality of life as much as the cancer itself. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a plan on how to address these issues and help you get on with your life?
The real test of the program will be in its beneficial results for cancer survivors. As more and more patients get involved and they begin to utilize the tools, it will become obvious whether the program offers a real opportunity for cancer survivors. My hope is that it is so well-planned and so careful about the little details of cancer management that it saves lives. The sooner cancer survivors notice what isn't right and get treated, the better. What good is surviving cancer if your quality of life isn't improved by the treatment? I hope this program does that.
The program provides tools to help patients to have the important discussions with their medical team on what steps can be taken by patients to manage the physical and emotional issues that arise for cancer survivors:
http://journeyforward.org
The goal of the program is to "...Prevent recurrent and new cancers as well as other late effects; Intervene for symptoms that result from cancer and its treatment; Coordinate the work of specialists and primary care physicians to ensure that all of a Survivor's health needs are met."
This means that each cancer patient will have a Survivorship Care Plan, and that will allow them to know they will continue to receive the same level of care even after active treatment of their cancer ends. Journey Forward promises to provide a bridge of care to help cancer survivors know what to expect for their future.
Components of the program include a survivorship tool kit, a medical history builder, a resources directory, and tips on talking to your doctor. This can help tremendously in understanding not only how cancer affects you, but what you can expect when active cancer treatment ends, and you're no longer making the trips to the center.
On the surface, it sounds like a great idea. How many cancer patients end active treatment and then feel like they are left dangling off of a cliff, unable to climb up or safely get down? With a plan in place, with information on what to expect and signs that are critical to monitor, won't this be a benefit to cancer survivors? There is surely nothing as frustrating as trying to figure out how to get back to living after cancer treatment. In the back of one's mind is always the fear that cancer will return, maybe in a different location. This program appears to tackle that issue, by offering a way to coordinate not only with the oncology team, but also with the primary care physicians.
The question is how will cancer patients view this program? Would it be helpful, after you are discharged from active cancer treatment, to know that your primary care physician will participate in your care and will be part of the team that supports you? I wonder how many cancer patients hesitate to call their oncology team when they notice a little symptom pop up here and there. Would it be less terrifying to call your primary care physician for a check-up?
For many cancer patients, there are long-term side effects from treatment, and some can linger for a long time, affecting one's quality of life as much as the cancer itself. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a plan on how to address these issues and help you get on with your life?
The real test of the program will be in its beneficial results for cancer survivors. As more and more patients get involved and they begin to utilize the tools, it will become obvious whether the program offers a real opportunity for cancer survivors. My hope is that it is so well-planned and so careful about the little details of cancer management that it saves lives. The sooner cancer survivors notice what isn't right and get treated, the better. What good is surviving cancer if your quality of life isn't improved by the treatment? I hope this program does that.
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