One of the hardest things for cancer families to do is learn to live in the moment. How do you do that? How do you let go of the panic and fear long enough to enjoy the hours of the day with your loved one?
Anyone who has cancer can tell you it's tough to do. And anyone who loves someone who has cancer can tell you it's nearly impossible to forget that you might lose someone to this insidious disease.
1. Recognize what is in the immediate future --
Is cancer treatment viable? What will be the side effects and how can they be managed to provide the best quality of life for your loved one? If you understand how cancer treatment affects your loved one, you can figure out ways to keep him or her energized. When do the side effects of chemotherapy kick in? That's not a good time for getting things done. When do the side effects of chemotherapy drop off? Use that as the time to get moving and get active. Appreciate what you have and use it to get to tomorrow, and next week, and next month. Build on segments of time.
2. Concentrate on what your loved one can do, not on what he or she can't --
Will you waste precious time and energy on things that can't be done, or will you move forward with the knowledge that there are things you and your loved one can still enjoy and succeed in doing? Make a list of things that are doable and then do them. If you have to take it slowly and adapt the list, that's okay. What's important is to accomplish things that matter.
3. Be realistically optimistic --
As a caregiver, can you find the sunny side of the street to walk upon? How you view your loved one's cancer will have a tremendous impact on everyone. It's easy for cancer patients to feel overwhelmed by their experiences. If you look for the silver lining in every cloud, you can help direct the family to experience positive things during your loved one's cancer treatment. Lead the way.
4. Get help if you need it --
If you feel depressed or fearful of your loved one's cancer, your care-giving will reflect that. Find a safe outlet other than your loved one, so you can discuss these issues and sort them out. Many cancer centers have valuable resources and there are support groups online that will share their cancer experiences with you and your loved one. Don't bottle it all up. Deal with it.
4. Learn more about cancer and how it effects the entire family --
Talk to the professionals at the cancer center. Talk to other experienced caregivers. Do the research. You need to be able to meet your loved one's real needs, and the best way to do that is to understand and appreciate what those are. Cancer doesn't just affect your loved one's physical health. It takes a toll on the whole person and it can change how a person sees the world.
5. Seek wisdom from other cancer survivors --
Many patients have lived with cancer for decades. You probably already know several. How do they do it? Many have learned to manage their symptoms and have found ways around the big obstacles. They have much wisdom to share with cancer patients and their families, and they are wonderful resources.
6. Don't let cancer isolate the family from the living world --
Help your loved one to stay connected to family and friends during cancer treatment and beyond by reaching out. It's important for your loved one to still engage in as many normal activities as possible, but sometimes you have to adjust those to allow for the side effects of cancer treatment. If your loved one begins to emotionally withdraw, it can have a negative effect on his or her opportunities to manage the cancer. Find out what's going on and then help your loved one overcome these difficulties in a realistic way.
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